A Day in the Life of a ‘Stay at Home’ Mum

 

Dear Husband,

Don’t you DARE, ask me ‘What did you do ALLLLL day?’ ever again. (Not that you’ll need to since I’ve itemised it all in a neat little list below. But just in case you need a reminder, I’ll leave it on the front door.)

Kindest,
Your underpaid maid and chief blood line raiser.

A Day in the Life of a ‘Stay at Home’ Mum:

• Wake up to the demands of OUR children, and if I’m SUPER lucky, OUR eldest has half destroyed the house (I maintain) whilst OUR youngest and I were enjoying sleeping past 5am.
• Make OUR children breakfasts.
• Pack OUR child’s lunch box.
• Encourage the eating of said breakfast.
• Dress myself & slap on half a face to appear partially ‘put together’ in public.
• Attempt to dress OUR children multiple times over, dealing with varying excuses regarding clothing selections. (Who knew fashionistas started so young?).
• Wrangle OUR children to the car, losing one, whilst trying to get the other x 10.
• Do the school / kindy drop off.
• Do the groceries, errands, bank / bills, etc.
• Do the extra curricular activities / socialisations / library visits.
• Return home (house is a mess from this mornings moments).
• Make lunch for OUR child/children.
• Feed them lunch.
• Shit!! I forgot to put the washing on. Quickly put the washing on whilst shoving a burnt piece of toast in my mouth. – Also forgot breakfast.
• Clean up the remnants of lunch off the floor, wall, highchair and child.
• Set a ‘quiet’ time activity up for OUR child.
• Attempt to get some (predominantly unpaid / minimal wage) ‘work’ done.
• Tend to the multiple / never ending requests from OUR child to pick up crayon, wipe paint off hand, find new activity to do.
• Put OUR child down for rest time, sitting there for 368 minutes until child is asleep, commando crawling out of room, stealthily closing the door.
• Finally Make my Lunch which is basically afternoon tea.
• Clean kitchen & put last nights dishes away.
• Sit down to eat lunch-arvo tea and ‘relax’ for 10 minutes when I hear the creaking of OUR Childs bedroom door open.
• Yay afternoon activities commence.
• Do afternoon activities in between trying to hang washing out, folding the basket of clean clothes that has been sitting there for a few days (apparently you didn’t notice them?), and sifting through the fridge looking for some sort of ‘Inspo’ for dinner.
• Wrangle child into car to commence school / kindy pick up.
• Hear about the ‘bad’ things child did at school / kindy.
• Pop (soooo easily) both kids back in the car whilst trying to navigate a busy car park, maintain sanity ‘HOLD MY F*king HAND!!’ and get all members into car with limbs attached.
• Arrive home.
• Argue over taking shoes off and not emptying the entire contents of the sand pit into the newly vacuumed hallway.
• Commence 15th round of food service for the day.
• Referee world war 4 – because siblings pretty much can’t get along.
• Argue over *enjoying* a delightful bubble bath.
• Apparently we are now a nudist colony – “For the 5th time, Put your damn Pyjamas on!!”
• Sort out some form of ‘entertainment’ AKA iPad / movie, so the preparation of 3 different dinner options can begin.
•Prepare dinner whilst stopping 16 thousand times, making multiple phone calls to you (*eye rolls* “Why do I have ALL the responsibility?” lol) asking where you are nd how long you will be?
• Clean up kitchen, third time today.
•Oh yay honey, you’re ‘finally’ home, and clearly the hero and flavour of the month with the children. I noticed you only had time for a *quick* greeting and then you proceed to spend the next hour in the toilet. *You’re so privileged babe, only I can dream to even pee alone*
• You remerge approximately 55 minutes later exclaiming with such confusion

‘WHAT DID YOU DO ALLLLLLLLL DAY?’

• ‘Well, now that you mention it *DARLING*, I haven’t had a minute to think about the myriad of ‘insignificant’ things I’ve done today (all of which are probably not visibly obvious to you, otherwise I assume you wouldn’t have asked such a question), but if you could ‘babysit’ the kids for an hour, I’ll tally it up for you and invoice you accordingly.’
• Rinses body off with water & soap – because long Showers pretty much don’t exist anymore (I can hear the arguing in the lounge room).
• Serves dinner.
• Argues over dinner. “Eat it or starve”.
• Argues with the ‘I didn’t eat my dinner but I want Ice-cream’ child.
• Brushes children’s teeth, sounds easy, but its basically cardio chasing one around the house for 15 minutes.
• I reminded you of the NIGHTLY bedtime routine for eldest, whilst sorting youngest for bed. (Because apparently a Fathers memory is similar to a goldfish, it resets itself every 23 hours.)
• Puts younger child to bed, comes out to see older child has not begun bedtime routine, but I’m so glad you’re getting some sleep on the lounge.
• Then goes and does what you should have done in the first place.
• Finally, both children are asleep – yippee.
• Sits down on lounge, and begin more ‘work’.
• Gives up after 20 minutes because, exhaustion.
• Pop one of ‘my’ shows on Netflix – since you’re asleep and all. Conveniently you wake up!
• We spend a little ‘quality time’ together, scrolling Facebook, you watching Snapchat, me catching up on Instagram, whilst watching ‘our’ shows (which you try to switch to ‘your’ shows multiple times. Lol.
• I’m exhausted so I’m off to bed.
• Strangely you creep in thinking its your lucky night. Not tonight pal. I’ve been out touched today by the kids. Sensory overload. Maybe on a day where I get a day to myself.
• Then I pretty much wake up and repeat over and over and over.

Who says us Stay at Home mums doing nothing?

 

Author: Bec Crombie

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