T H R E E N A G E R ;
noun ; ‘f r eeeee neigh dj er’
The age of ones child between 2 and 4. The longest year of your life. Often threenager-dom starts early, and finishes late, thus making ‘the longest year of your life’ exponentially longer.
I’m sure you don’t need this list to let you know you’re *in the midst of hell* I mean, living with a threenager. But here it is anyways, just for shits and giggles you know.. because, if we don’t laugh we will cry. Warning: If you are yet to experience threenager life, STOP READING NOW. I repeat, you really don’t want to see what is ahead of you. If you’ve passed through the cyclone and are now loving life in 4 year old bliss – we don’t want to know! The whole ‘there’s light at the end of the tunnel’ phrase aint gonna fly over here, the tunnel is too long and dark right now! lol
1. You get actual heart palpations when it comes to the following; any occasion that involves food, bathtime, bedtime, getting dressed, getting undressed, getting in the car (ironically not getting out of the car).
2. The shape of an object (mainly sandwich) has NEVER been so monumentally important. Evidentially, extremely changeable, even mid way through consumption.
3. A favourite food/toy/activity yesterday, is MOST DEFINITELY the worst imaginable thing today. But more than likely will be upgraded to VIP status again tomorrow. (Note to parents; this is particularly accurate with food, especially when you’ve run out of it)
4. They like bananas, They like apples, but don’t you F*cking dare let the two touch in the bowl, this ain’t no fruit salad!
5. They would much rather wear the dirty shirt from yesterday (and even the day before) then wear an almost identical CLEAN one.
6. Won’t go to bed. Falls asleep on the lounge. Wakes screaming when being transferred. Repeat process. OVER and OVER.
7. You catch yourself saying ‘oh for fox sake’ under your breathe, 50 times a day.
8. You CRAVE a car ride where you can enjoy music (of your choice) in SILENCE, without having to argue with a miniature version of yourself about your preferred music.
9. Simple outtings are no longer ‘simple’. A cloud of unpredictable chaos looms over your head on all occasions, you’re basically living life walking through a mind field – trying your best at every moment to avoid triggering an explosion. These explosions are most common at restaurants, at the check out, or midway through important phone calls – no biggies!
10. They catch you off guard with their beautiful manners, sweet persona and loving gestures, a little glimpse or ‘teaser’ into the future (hopefully sooner rather than later) where the tantrums, meltdowns and catastrophic mood swings aren’t as prevalent.
Hang in there Mumma, the count down is on until the 4th Birthday (Am i right?) Like a magical switch it will ALL be a distant memory once they reach that magical milestone! LOL one can dream.